I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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