Got a toothbrush?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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