and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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