I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
