my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize