How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize