We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
