He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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