Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
