I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
