You just made me feel so damn special
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
