We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
