so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
