Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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