i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
