I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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