u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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