I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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