Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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