Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize