I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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