Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm really busy with my period
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