Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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