There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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