I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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