So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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