I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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