I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
