You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
