new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Say something about gay babies.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
