At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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