I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My penis needs a shock collar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
