she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
