so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
