don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
