Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
