theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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