I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was like having sex with a tree stump
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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