he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
