1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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