Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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