hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
