Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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