do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
