Jerry, you need to find god
there's paper in my vomit.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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