Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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