just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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