Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
