so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
