Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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