we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
