the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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