Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize