at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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