I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
