i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
