"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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