I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This house was built for laser tag.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Shame - the story of my life.
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